Gagne: "I come out there and kill that rally"

Everything sounds rough and messy in French. "Rally-killer" sounds ugly in any language. That's what French-Canadian closer Eric Gagne called himself recently, as he's been killing Brewers' rallies all season and aiding inside-out hat time for opponents. On Sunday Gagne got his much needed "mental break" (see Jason Isringhausen) from the Milwaukee closer role. How Milwaukee fills that role in the interim now becomes one of the great mysteries in baseball (along with Nate McLouth's breakout from oblivion and Ryan Howard's inability to hit anything).

The Brewers now turn to a stable of mediocrity. If you want horses out of the 'pen, they've got donkeys (asses). If you want a stopper, these guys are starters. Actually, they're not starters, they're far worse than that, and that's why they're career middle relievers. Oh, but not in Milwaukee. Here they're closers, maybe. Brian Shouse, David Riske, Guillermo Mota and Salomon Torres will star in "Closer by Committee," a movie you shouldn't see and a fantasy option you should avoid. Shouse is 39 and picked up just his fifth Major League save on Sunday. Riske, like his name, is a risky option at best having struggled when called upon to close games in the past. He's with his fifth team in five years. Mota is nearly 35 and has never held a closer role. Torres lost his only shot at it in Pittsburgh, of all places, and then nearly retired in the offseason.

Fantasy Impact: Didn't we just say you should avoid these people? Yeah, these stiffs might get you a save or two, but Gagne's the only one in the bunch that's got the makeup for the role and he's downright scary (must be out of concealer) in recent years. Milwaukee cannot conceal the fact that the back end of their bullpen has been exposed for the fraud that it is. If you must absolutely grab someone off the waiver wire, it's Riske. He signed an incentive-laden deal with Milwaukee just days before Gagne inked his. Riske got the first look in early April when Gagne's struggles got started. Honestly, though, don't do this. Once it all plays out you'll be saying 'merci!' to Spitting Seeds for saying 'non' to this putrid 'pen.